Somehow, I guess it is obvious, one of those things we all know but always seem to forget…that after darkness comes light…you are walking in a tunnel not able to see the hand in front of you, and suddenly there is light in the distance. A light maybe hardly noticeable at first, but nevertheless, despite darkness, it grows stronger and stronger.
I had a challenging day yesterday. A person I care for very much, between us, suddenly this huge wall. Where did it come from? My fault? Old patterns of thoughts, my pain body surfaced. In the middle of the darkness I found myself in, I realized what had happened. I could see it for myself without being mirrored. I saw my pain in full display, and it was so hard. Thoughts roaming around creating a blame game, how could it be my fault? My ego trying to calculate the best, least painful, way forward, throwing nastiness around. And regardless of what I tried to do, my identification with thoughts made the pain grow and grow.
And then, suddenly, coming from nowhere, a light so powerful seemed to light up all darkness around me. It was so obvious. How could I not have seen this before? I realized there was only 2 ways forward. Either I could rely on my ego rescuing me, trying avoiding the pain with thoughts. A path I knew so well, a path I have walked for so long.
Or, I could open my heart, not just a little bit but wide open. Not knowing where this will take me, not knowing in full my true emotions, And yet, despite this, I felt with my whole body that this is the only way forward. Regardless where it will take me, regardless what hurdles will come my way choosing heart over mind, it is the choice of love, and for me, suddenly the only way. Love for life, love for all of humanity, love for nature and all animals and love for Gaia and all that is offered in this dimension. We are truly one, and love is all there is. I will not let my ego trick me anymore. I will jump, fully conscious of the fact that I am held, regardless of what happens, regardless of what I truly feel, I will walk my true path, showing my vulnerability, my pain and darkness within.
- Immensely grateful to my ego for being the key to my own liberation.